This week, the crow learns that the “young” in “young republican” stands for “cupcake.” What did you learn?
Do you have time to answer a few questions for CHS?
Sure, but my friend will be here soon, so there’s a possibility that we’ll be rudely interrupted. If that happens…well, just make something up!
Seriously?! I can just make something up?
Sure, that’ll be fun! I’ll look forward to reading it.
Okay, then … so where are you headed to this evening?
I’m going to a Toby Keith concert.
Country singer Toby Keith? You mean, like, ironically?
Why would that be ironic?
Dunno… Somehow, I wouldn’t have pegged you as a Toby Keith fan.
Actually, he’s playing at a fundraiser for the Bellevue chapter of the Young Republican Club. I’m the Vice-Chair, so it would be rude if I didn’t attend. But yes, I am a huge Toby Keith fan.
Wow. You don’t find a lot of Young Republicans working at cupcake shops on Capitol Hill.
Or do you? You also thought I wasn’t a Toby Keith fan. Maybe you shouldn’t make so many assumptions about people.
Good point. What are some of your favorite hangouts on The Hill?
As a rule, I never, ever go out in this area. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those “independent restaurants” with their weirdo elitist foods. When the Hill finally gets an Appleby’s, or a Chili’s, or a T.G.I. Friday’s, then, we’ll talk.
Okay, you don’t like the food. What about local bars, or cafes, or music venues?
Awful, awful places. All the music sounds like someone’s hitting an electric bongo drum with a live cat. Thump-thump-thump. They call that music? And I only drink Budweiser, which is really hard to find around here.
What do you like least about Capitol Hill?
There aren’t enough new condos, for one. I think we should tear down buildings like the one where Bauhaus is, and put in a high-rise with a T.G.I. Friday’s on the ground level. Along with a bank. Or maybe The Gap. Is there anything worse than “independent retailers”?
You have some strong opinions.
Oh, and don’t get me started on the pedestrians and bicyclists. They make me sick. Don’t they know that walking and biking hurts the oil industry? Think about that, hippies.
What do you like best about working on the Hill?
It’s near the freeway.
Are you sure you won’t mind me making up an entire conversation if your ride gets here early?
I won’t mind at all. Just don’t go dissing on Toby Keith. Or supply-side economics.
What are you up to tonight?
I’m coming from a yoga class at Samhadi Yoga, down the street. I’m probably going to just go home and make dinner, but it’s so nice out — I kind of don’t want to be indoors.
I hear that! Do you live on the Hill?
Yes, I’ve lived here for about a year and a half. Before that, I lived on the Eastside, with my parents—I moved back in with them after college, until I got a place of my own.
Why did you pick this neighborhood?
Even when I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live on Capitol Hill someday. Growing up I danced at Cornish, so this was always my ‘hood. I fantasized about growing up and moving to the Hill. As a kid, my favorite parade was the Pride Parade—it gave me a very romantic view of this neighborhood.
Has it lived up to your expectations?
It has. I love being able to walk to everything. On the Eastside, that’s not so easy.
Do you have a favorite restaurant in your ‘hood?
That’s a tough one! It’s probably a tie between Smith and Spinasse. I go to Smith all the time for drinks and food. For a nice dinner, I love Spinasse, but it’s a lot more expensive, so… I guess “favorite” depends on the price range.
What do you think is the sexiest place on the Hill?
Cal Anderson park on a hot, sunny day. It’s full of gorgeous, sexy people wearing very scanty clothing!
What do you do for a living?
I’m training to be a birth doula. You know, people who support mothers in labor?
How did you get into the baby-birthing business?
I’ve always been interested in women’s health, but I studied International Relations and biology in college. But the first time I saw a baby being born, it hit me like a frying pan—this is what I need to do. Every time I see a baby fly out of a vagina, I realize I’m in the right line of work. It’s just awe-inspiring.
On an unrelated note — not that I don’t love vaginas and/or things flying out of them — but I noticed you’re wearing those foot-glove shoes. How do you like those?
I love them. They look funny, but they’re incredibly comfortable. My boyfriend and I both have a pair. Yes, we’re “that Capitol Hill couple in the foot-glove shoes.”
I don’t know about that, but at least we’re comfortable!
Do you live on Capitol Hill?
Not exactly. I have a place in the Central District, but when I’m working, I stay with my girlfriend, who lives a few blocks from here [Melrose & Pine]. Also, I volunteer with the Capitol Hill Art Walk, so I spent a lot of time in this area.
Are you an artist yourself?
Not in the traditional sense. But I make Anti-Claus hats and other goth/Steampunk gear.
Wait… Anti-Claus, or Anti-Clause? Do you hate short grammatical units?
It’s Anti-Claus—they’re like Santa hats, only black, instead of red, with the white faux-fur trim. You know, like an Evil Santa? You can see an example on Etsy at PressureFootConcepts. The hats are mostly a seasonal thing, though.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that you go to Burning Man.
Yes, I have in years past, but I’m not sure if I’m going this year. I hear it’s already sold out.
Are you a Seattle native?
No, I’m originally from Northern California, in the Valley. But I’ve lived here for 17 years.
What brought you here?
I was hitchhiking across the country, and I ended up in Seattle at the end of the trip, and I never left.
What do you do for a living?
For the past seven weeks, I’ve worked here [at the Pine Box], in security. Over the past 17 years, I’ve worked in security at bars and clubs all over town.
This place is known for its beer selection. Are you a big connoisseur of the hops?
Not until seven weeks ago — I didn’t even know what a “sour beer” was. Working here has opened my eyes to the world of good beer. I’m getting an education.
Continuing Education in Beer is not a bad job perk. So I have to ask — and I promise CHS readers this is the last time I’ll ever use this question — Beers: Marry, Boff, Kill. Go!
Well, a few weeks ago we tapped this amazing keg of Belgian Biscotti Stout here at the bar. There were only 11 kegs ever produced. Best beer I ever had — it actually tasted like a biscotti. But they’re not making any more of it…
The hard-to-get aspect isn’t good for a marriage.
Yeah, and it’s unavailable, so it’s the perfect beer mistress. Yeah, I’ll boff the Belgian Biscotti.
PBR. It never gets old.
A good quality in a beer-wife. Kill?
Guiness. I hate Guiness.
When you’re not working, do you have any favorite haunts on the hill?
Bauhaus, for one. I’ve been going there for years — I first met several of my good friends there, ages ago.
Thanks to Suzi Pratt for the picture of Joseph!
Previously from CHS Crow: