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Experts: Capitol Hill mystery soda machine disappearance ‘maybe’ time travel

Or we live in the shittiest timeline.

Experts from Liminal Seattle, trackers of all things weird, wonderful, and paranormal across Capitol Hill and beyond, tell CHS they have been unable to determine exactly what caused the late June disappearance of the mystery soda machine from E John.

“Time Travel is always a possibility (as is sabotage by Timehunters— can’t trust those guys),” Liminal Seattle researcher Jeremy Puma tells CHS. “Portals have also been popping up in random places lately,” Puma reports.

Puma and fellow researcher Garrett Kelly have been investigating the disappearance as part of their project to document the city’s X-Files-worthy phenomena and map it at liminalseattle.com.

While time travel does, indeed, seem the likeliest explanation for the disappearance, the researchers think the incident could also be proof of a tragic split in time and space. “It could be that this is simply the shittiest timeline and wonderful things aren’t allowed to exist,” Puma writes. “If that’s the case, thank Anthuor for our map, which can point people to the wonder people still have in this place.”

The secret organization that stocks and operates the Capitol Hill machine could not be reached for comment.


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Jeff Bezos
Jeff Bezos
2 years ago

WTF am i reading?

Jim98122x
Jim98122x
2 years ago
Reply to  Jeff Bezos

There was a wasted 60 or so seconds you’ll never get back.

Jim98122x
Jim98122x
2 years ago
Reply to  Jim98122x

But what if you accidentally travel back to an alternate reality where it wasted even more of your time? That would be even worse.

Bill Gates
Bill Gates
2 years ago

The TRUTH

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs
2 years ago
Reply to  Bill Gates

Is that the bottom line?

WARren BUFFett
WARren BUFFett
2 years ago

Pay your income taxes ya mooks!

Mark Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg
2 years ago

I should kick this guy off facebook!