The punchline: He is from Texas. The scary part: He was carrying a two-foot machete. And using the women’s bathroom at Cal Anderson Park. SPD arrested a 56-year-old man Thursday afternoon for investigation of assault after the “trained [expletive] killer” caused a major scene inside the Capitol Hill park.

Here are the would be funny except yikes details from SPD:

Machete-Wielding Man Flees Women’s Bathroom, Gets Stuck In Traffic
Police arrested a machete and throwing-knife-wielding man Thursday on Capitol Hill after he threatened a crowd of people who confronted him over his use of a women’s restroom in a park.

Officers responded to Cal Anderson Park just before 5 PM and and spoke with six people, who said they had confronted the suspect after spotting him inside the restroom.

During the confrontation, the suspect pulled out a two-foot machete, swung it around and shouted death threats at the half-dozen victims. The man then armed himself with a throwing knife and acted as if he was going to hurl it at his victims.

The suspect tried to make a getaway, dashing to a vehicle parked next to Cal Anderson. He drove off westbound on Pine Street, only to get stuck in traffic on Broadway.

When officers pulled up behind the suspect, he tried to weave his way down side streets to escape, but eventually stopped in a parking lot where police took him into custody.

Officers recovered the machete and throwing knife from the man’s car and asked him why he was armed with the blades. He informed them it was because he is a “trained [expletive] killer,” and explained he was using the women’s restroom because the men’s restroom in the park was full and he had an “explosive” bowel issue.

Police identified the 56-year-old man with the help of his Texas ID and booked him into the King County Jail for Investigation of Assault.