With our Facebook fan page and CHS account, we have an interesting window into the social network of Capitol Hill. It’s been fun to watch the flurry of relationship status updates that has rippled through the Hill with the latest update to Facebook that has added In a domestic partnership and In a civil union to its relationship options. But, as Mashable notes, the two new menu items could be a symbolic dilemma for many:
The new statuses are a double-edged sword, however; the civil union/domestic partnership distinction is one that many LGBT groups are currently trying to erase. In fact, marriage equality is one of the key campaigning points for many groups in the NOS, including the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD and PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).
In the meantime, many of you are taking advantage of the opportunity to define your relationships online. And, while it’s clearly a change positioned for the LGBT community, we’ve seen a few updates from straight couples living in the Capitol Hill It’s complicated world.
My partner and I were married in California pre- Prop 8. We moved to Washington where allegedly our union would be recognized as a domestic partnership, but when we bought our home the title company wouldn’t recognize our relationship until we got officially domestic partnered int WA. Prop 8 passed, no more same-sex marriages in CA, but our’s still counts (in Cali) because we were already married. However I still carry the WA State Domestic Partnership card in my wallet. So what to call my relationship status on Facebook? I claim MARRIED. There are a few bright spots on earth where our marriage is recognized. Plus it’s what we feel best describes our relationship. Eventually our marriage will be recognized in WA and elsewhere so this will save me the trouble of updating later :-)
That’s something I just don’t “get”.
For years same-sex couples have been fighting hard for the right to be married, saying “domestic partnership” wasn’t good enough and wasn’t equal. Why on earth would anybody in a long-term relationship now want to log themselves on Facebook as anything less than married?!
Because there are many people in long-term relationships (not just same sex) that are not married and have no interest in being married. That’s why.
My Man and I are state-registered Domestic Partners but we list out Facebook status as “engaged” because we plan to be married when/if WA decides to let us. I don’t think we’ll change our FB status to “domestic partnered”. “Engaged” feels more romantic.
I recently read this novel that has the best perspective and philosophy on intimate relationships of all kinds that I have run across. I have quoted a few of relevant passages below:
“It is okay for consenting adults to do whatever they choose to do as long as they don’t hurt each other in the process . . . “
“I support honesty in any relationship , whether that’s an open marriage, closed marriage or no marriage . . . I think we have very confused feelings about the meaning of marriage in our society. It’s supposed to be a confirmation, but it’s a legal act, which mucks up the meaning and sets up a series of obligations that transforms what may have started out as a loving commitment into forced commitment.”
“Given the current state of marriage in our society, I think it is overrated and not a very desirable thing in itself. To me what’s offensive is that people who love each other and who happen to be homosexual are getting screwed out of benefits by cheap, irresponsible executives and separated from their loved ones when their loved ones need them the most.”
Isn’t it really about love and commitment?